


Legal Terms Of Death

by Tsururoach



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Gen, I haven't read death note since middle school, I'm not entirely sure I even finished it, It's literally just me, and some poor overworked death god, i'm just having a good time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22594939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsururoach/pseuds/Tsururoach
Summary: One-shot of how the Death Note and a shitty, shitty teenager would never get along.
Kudos: 8





	Legal Terms Of Death

It’s really not clear how it happened. It’s truly, undeniably clear, but as it all sums up, a Death Note was dropped. Probably the worst choice the death gods could have chosen, but it did. Who it fell in front of? A very average tired and hungry teenager who had just been tweeting seconds prior. 

Now, like any teenager who finds a sick looking notebook that is on the floor, they pick up this notebook with the intention of adding it to a collection of unique looking notebooks with only one word in it before it was left for some printer paper. Unlike how any typical notebook would though, Roach (the teenager) finds that a person came with it. Boy that sounds strange as hell. 

“Hi.”

  
“...This yours?”   
  
“This is the Death Note, any person whose name you write down in the notebook will die as long as you know their real name and face, though you will not die if you write your own name it’s not recommended. You also can’t sell- what”   
  
Roach puts down their hand in a very non-classroom setting because they were conditioned to raise their hand when they had a question. “What about people who changed their legal name? Would it be their dead name or like-”   
  
“Uh- Birth-”   
  
“Wait is this Death Note-thingy like, hella transphobic if that’s the case,”

“What they consider their real name,”   
  
“Do I need to know middle names too? Or like, what if they have multiple spellings of their name that are all considered real? Does it count if I read their name differently than it’s spelled?”   
  
“...”

“...”  
  
The Death God person _really_ seemed like they were NOT having a good conversation at the time. After some clarifications (Yes; Any spelling is Valid if real; Sure), the Death God follows Roach home.   
  
“What’s your name?”

“Please don’t ask if the Death Note can kill me,”  
  
“.......”   
  
Roach never ended up getting that name. Watching Roach sit by their desk opening the Death Note though, seemed to rejuvenate him eager to see what this absolute maniac of a child would do. “So all the rules currently on this (covered) cover are all that there is, right?”   
  
“Yeah, pretty much.”

Beginning to write in teeny tiny letters they wonder, “If I misspell a name by accident what does that mean?”

“Whoever you know who has that name will die, and if you don’t know, no one dies.”  
  
“So like, what if I can read it but like, no one else can?”   
  
Groaning the Death God regrets his occupation severely, “Sure, as long as you can recognize it.”

Continuing to write, Roach proudly displayed what seemed like the Death God’s wish for a vacation. Spelled out as neatly as Roach could (not very neat), these words , ‘John Smith dies very peacefully and happily after creating the cure to cancer which is put into the right company’s hands.’

“...”  
  
“You like it?”   
  
“There are new rules.”   
  


* * *

“Okay, so no more forcing crazy important inventions or cures, right?”  
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Okay here’s my new one,”

“Did you seriously try to extend someone’s life with the Death Note?”  
  
“Yeah,”

“Please give the notebook back.”

“No.”  
  
Roach then squints at the Death God, “Since like, you didn’t make the rules until After I wrote it, those ARE still taking effect right?”   
  
The Death god didn’t respond.

“Okay, okay I got a good one,” Roach decides still clinging onto the notebook with their gritty itty bitty hands. The Death god did not look pleased, staring at them. “Can I write anything?”  
  
The Death God, getting used to this bane on his existence could only huff, “No, please keep it to writing utensils only.”

“Stamps?”  
  
“What?”   
  
“Can I use stamps.”

“SURE, _fine_ , that’ll be JUST fine.”   
  
“What if I forget what exactly a person looks like but remember parts of them?”

“No, you have to know what they look like.”  
  
“What i-”   
  
“Can I have the Death Note back?”   
  
Now Roach, a little shit, starts to think. And think they did. When they didn’t look up for any more questions, the Death god becomes very, very, very curious of what it is. When he looks his face turned into a disgusted expression, oh so longing for the sweet embrace of what he used to take pride in. 

“New rule, no more than 100 words per death, or so help me-”

Roach frowns. This Death Note seems like a shitty, shitty deal.

* * *

“This notebook is the Death Note.”  
  
Upon opening the Death Note, the new wielder is greeted with a terms and conditions page.   
  
“What… What is this.”   
  
“Don’t ask.”

“... Do I have to read through all of them?”  
  
“Just treat it like every other terms and conditions page and scan it, you get the idea.”   
  
-

And is so how Roach Ruined Death Note.


End file.
